22 March 2007 |

Anti-vanity illusions

A relative asked me recently to help her shave her head and I said no because I didn’t think she’s going to look as good with it as Demi Moore or Kylie Minoque.

For the simple act of caring for her appearance, a friend called me the “image consultant extraordinaire” and tried to convince me to do it because shaving a head is “the shedding of vanity”.

First of all, you don’t have to be vain to look good and you don’t have to go to either extremes of looking bad or good. All a person has to do to look good is to try not to look bad. How is that being vain?

Vanity, according to dictionary.com, is the excessive belief in one’s own abilities or appearance and lack of real value. So how is looking good naturally being vain? Too many people are brainwashed by the myth that you have to sacrifice external beauty for inner beauty and don’t realise that many of the worthy examples of real leaders we’ve had cared for their appearance

Case in point is Prophet Muhammad, who dressed well on two occasions — while meeting guests and when he was on the battlefield.

“When Allah has blessed you with His bounty, your appearence should reflect it.”

- “Prophet Muhammad, as narrated in Abu Dawud. Source: USC-MSA.

And according to the records of Ibn Mas’ud, the 6th man to convert to Islam after Muhammad:

“No one who has even an atom’s-weight of pride in his heart will enter Paradise.” A man asked him, “What if he likes his clothes and shoes to look good?” (Meaning, is this counted as pride?) The Prophet (saas) said: “Allah is beautiful and loves beauty. Pride means denying the truth and looking down on other people.“94

Source: theprophetmuhammad.org and unionoffaiths.com

It’s ironic that you have to shave your head to prove that you’re not vain. That’s as hypocritical as throwing away your jeans to try to fit in with Muslims, wearing a t-shirt for a band you don’t listen to try to fit in with hardcore rockers or getting that cool Che Guevara t-shirt to try to fit in with socialists.

Secondly, people shave their heads for different reasons. To say shaving your head helps you care less about your appearance is a myth. It’s just as difficult looking after a shaved head especially when you need 10 minutes and a mirror to shave it yourself every week and you still have to wash your scalp or it will stink. In fact, most men shave their heads because they don’t want to look bad with receding hairlines and thinning hair. Doesn’t sound like the “shedding of vanity”, does it?

And if you ever ask someone to help you shave your head and he declines, don’t take that person as being vain. He probably just thinks you won’t look good with it, so ask someone else to shave it for you.

5 Comments

  1. Marie, 23 March 2007

    whoa there.

  2. your relative, 23 March 2007

    i just felt like doing it ok, nothing about vanity or anything. aiyo.

  3. Marie, 8 April 2007

    Dear Kris,
    it’s taken a while, but here it is, my feedback.
    With all due respect to your thoughts and decision, here’s my tuppence.
    Your very first line actually hits what I was getting at when I proffered the thought that maybe sometimes it’s not all about looking good that one does something like shaving one’s head – especially if one’s a girl/young woman. There are so many standards of beauty out there, the majority of them unexamined – so much so that unless you look like natalie portman or demi moore, it’s not considered aesthetically pleasing to go about sans hair.
    The context in which I mentioned the shedding of hair being akin to the shedding of vanity was with respect to what I myself perceive as the “normal” standards that we are often held to. Vanity, as the definition you’ve quoted has to do with the excessive attention given to appearance, and the shedding of hair in that sense reduces on physical aspect of appearance that one would have to preen about. It is quite possible for someone shaven-headed to still look good i.e. wear decently fitting/flattering clothes, carry themselves with dignity and pride, and genuine smile always helps.
    Much as I’d love to have it be on equal ground the context for which a woman chooses to shave her head as it is for a man, it isn’t. The standards of beauty and the connotations of a shaven head differ for men from women. And this isn’t just the only way to shed oneself or vanity, I am fully aware of that, and neither is it the only way to make a jolting visual difference — however, if a woman is brave enough to want to give it a shot – more often than not as a once of experience, and not a maintained habit, then I’d say bravo, you brave person.

  4. Kris Khaira, 8 April 2007

    I wasn’t trying to redefine what beauty is. There isn’t anything wrong with a woman who wants to be brave and shave her head. I was attacking the idea that you have to do something like that to avoid looking vain. I'm also attacking the idea that I should be harassed for not doing something I don't like personally. You assume it's my duty not to have any perceptions of beauty and to do something I don't think is nice. I didn't say looking bald unless you look like Natalie Portman isn't aesthetically pleasing to everyone. No, only to me. Yes, me, the person who was being forced to do something I don't like. I'm not defining what standdards of beauty are. I only acted on my personal standards and didn't want to shave someone's head because *I didn't think it looked good*. Does that make me a sexist? If so, I'll write a book about totalitarian feminism and this new witch-hunt.

  5. marie, 10 April 2007

    well then, apologies are in order for any and all unintended harrassment you may have perceived coming from my part .

    Looking back at the log of our chat, I was (and am) surprised at the vehemence of your response (and the use of the word ‘attack’ for that matter). It was not my intention to make you feel harassed or forced to do something against your will, nor did I at any moment in the conversation insinuate that you should have followed anything but your own personal standards.

    Rest assured, I respect your having your views and ideas and personal standards, whatever they may be, and was only offering my differing opinion as food for thought, not as judgment of yourself.

    I suppose if anything at all, I have learnt that I should guard any words exchanged online with you from now on. And quite possibly, squelch all urge to ever jest with you again….Lord knows lols and :o)‘s do not belie the seething interior well enough….ok. I take that back. the last line was in jest, tongue-in-cheek —- tongue-in-cheek!

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